Spelling It Out

For the last 12 years depression has been a thorn in my side. It started i feel when i was on the road with the band i toured with, for whatever reason. Then later it simply took over my life after i left the band. Going from playing 150 shows a year, recording, writing, etc. to being in a 8-5 office job almost killed me. As far as i was concerned God had left. He decided to move on and take care of someone else. He decided to continue to allow the joke to be on me. And it continued. And continued. And continued. It continued to a point where waking up was the awful and i couldnt wait till it was time to go back to bed. That would at least be a few hours not depressed. I couldnt write, my creativity was zero. My kids couldnt figure out what was wrong with their dad. My wife became increasingly frustrated, although she knew it was a disease.

I tried different medications, self help books, etc. Some meds worked others not at all. I finally wrote a book about it. That book was and is called "I Wish It Would Rain" published in 2005. It basically chronicled my story of my battle, in deep detail. I recently finished 3 new chapters for a re-release. Basically the other 3 chapters are an update where the original copy was a bit dated now in 2009. So hopefully i will be able to re-release it soon.

So here i will blog the struggle. The good days and the bad days. Oh and by the way, God really never left and never played a joke on me. I felt like he did but i'm not that shallow. My faith is tremendous, cause it has to be. God has brought me from being pathetic to being a man who knows he's God's kid. Yep depression is still here and it sucks to be honest. But i also know that It does not have to rule my life. But as i said-i will "keep it real" (i hate that term but thought i'd use it to sound more like "the kids these days"!) and i will spell out whats working and what aint. And I will also allow others to see God move through a man that basically has been to hell and back!

JR